Hello lovely people!! How are you? How are the first two weeks of December treating you? Are you excited for Christmas? I am honestly very excited for Christmas. For me, family time brings so much joy!
I know I talk a lot about being positive, proactive and getting out of the comfort zone. I also talk about how we need to open up and be more vulnerable. I honestly come here to talk to you guys because I believe that we are a community on planet earth and therefore we share the same type of emotions, struggles and triumphs. In different ways of course, but in the core of it all the same.
So I have recently been struggling with a lot of fear. Fear of vulnerability and getting out of my comfort zone. Fear of gaining a new perspective and a refreshed mind set. And I came to this realization today. I have exams starting the coming week and I have not read as much as I would have wanted to. I have a diet plan and an exercise regimen that I haven’t stuck to. I have a vision board that needs updating that I haven’t touched. I have things in my room that are begging for some organization but are being ignored. I have drafts on drafts of blog posts that I haven’t finished to release. I have 3 books to read and the first I have read until page 25 for the past 2 months now and the second, I have only read the first page. I have been ignoring my Headspace notifications every morning.
Now, I’m not listing all these things to show how busy I am. I am listing them down to show you how much I have been procrastinating for the past 3 months because of the fear that these things that I should do will open up a side of me that I do not know and maybe that I will not recognize. That scares me. I have always said nobody knows you better than you know yourself and it is terrifying for me to think that I will be this new person. So because of this fear, I have been holding myself back. Falling into YouTube for solace because YouTube is entertainment. But in my daily YouTube swim today, I stumbled into something that has genuinely motivated me.
On Lilly’s vlog here there is a mention of Justin Baldoni’s show on the vulnerability of men and on minute 6:52 Prince EA I believe, correct me if I’m wrong, says that,”….somebody went through the problem that you went through and wrote a book about it…” and also what Justin said on minute 7:12 “….you are not alone……do not compare yourself to anybody else……your happiness isn’t dependent on what others think of you….keep following Lilly Singh….” Hehe check it out guys, he really did say the last part and I 100% agree!
The points that really sank deep for me from the 2 speakers even if it was just a line each was that we are not alone in our struggles and best of all, we are not a species that sits in our problems. We get up and proactively look for solutions and even share it among ourselves so that the next person going through the same thing can find a solution easily. We naturally care about the society’s well-being and that is how we find and maintain our purpose and genuinely stay in pace with life. We are problem solvers. Meaning that we always look to improve. So it made me understand that it was okay for me to work on myself and grow every day into a better human being because that is what is in my nature.
The second part on where we should not base our happiness on. At an early age I always wanted to be that kid that never disappoints so for a very long time my happiness did depend on how much applause my actions would receive. In high school I had this idea in my mind that I was a morpher. I don’t even know if it is a real word but I believed that I could be a friend to all people and just morph into whatever friend they needed at that time. I could be a best friend to anyone. I did loose so many friends during high school and even after high school. But that, in hind sight, robbed me of the years that I was to make true friends and at the very least find the core sense of who I was or even what I genuinely liked. A friend that I considered my closest at the time even called my friendship shallow. Hurtful yes, but much truth to it.
Thinking about it now, I understand why I’m so scared to do all these things because they are things that I want to do and not things that I am being told to do. Because they are things that I cannot receive a star from other people but rather from myself. This I do not really have much practice on. So yes this time I am going after what I want. Fear or no fear. I wrote a post There’s nothing holding us back and right now I genuinely understand this. I am starting anew and I am glad that I get to share this moments with you guys, even if it is 4:00am in the morning.
Let’s go and do new things!! I’ll be mini-vloging on my Instagram stories so if you have not followed me yet my username is @jack2y_ . I believe that you guys are my best accountability partners on this life journey!! What fears have you overcome today? I would love to hear about it! I always look forward to the stories and the words that you share with me! As always guys I wish you nothing but positive vibes, love and light!! Thanks for reading and have a good one!!